Monday, February 28, 2005

100

“This is farm country, not encyclopedia country,” they told the city boy from Thief River, “feed sells.”
City finds the last house on his route, sees a man feeding a pig by holding him up to an apple tree. It’s July and both pig and farmer are sweating. The situation looks slippery. City figures he’s got a sale.
“Interest you in some feed for that pig?” City quick-draws a catalog from his pocket. The farmer stops to swipe his forehead but doesn’t answer. .
“ It’d save time,” City adds.
“Sure,” Grandpa explained, “But what’s time to a pig?”

Monday, February 21, 2005

sadness warshed over the dude

Sunday, February 20, 2005

fair warning

as of the sunday after next, i shall be releasing a four pound bag of hamster-sized hairy-headed wolf spiders into the internet. j/k!

but seriously, stop using the internet for a while.

Thursday, February 17, 2005

junkfight

Once, there had been thirteen of us.
Fourteen with the macaw.
Many had gone down in the godless savagery of the first attack, some of them for good. It had been the kind of violence that leapt like lightning fire on a dry hillside, wreaking its red-toothed Darwinian justice on all who ventured within its tight horrific circumference.
The quarters were cramped and the wounded moaned under the boots of the whole.
Brenda Ramsbottom, who had lost the good knee on her bad leg when a gelding quarterhorse slipped its bonds in the mayhem and stamped her like a UPS package.
The conditions were tense.
Gretchen Savory, an SWF NSND looking for an LDLTR with a CSWM ran a long ragged nail along the edge of a rare Henckels Gourmet High-Carbon stainless steel steak knife –one of perhaps five in the country- giving voice to an ominous ring as if she were playing a handsaw for an intimate gathering of like-minded sophisticates.
Brian Brianson, once a hot-shot insurance underwriter blinked tears of pure malevolence from eyes more beast than man as he shattered a depression-era blue glass plate against an Ikea end table, brandishing the shards clutched between his fingers the way they teach you to hold your keys in a womans self defense class.
Polly Sara O’Shaughnessy-Johnson squinted down possessively from atop an oak console piano, the piano that would be sold for no other currency than her own red red blood. The ancient instruments venerable timbers swayed and squeaked under her 300+ pound frame like a four-rigger sloop in a gale.
Me, I held a gym sock full buffalo-head nickels and a dead macaw in my off-hand. Somewhere in the back 40 acres of my pants pocket was the invitation to this disaster, received twelve days previous. There was an identical twin in the pockets or pouches of everyone else in the room, both the living and the dead.
We live among you, housewives, elementary school teachers and construction workers. We are garbagemen, video clerks and comic book aficionados.
We are Junkfighters.
We collect, accrue, purchase, trade, auction, fight and die for first issues, vinyl pressings, fiestaware and limited editions. We are the ones who subscribe to pay cable for the shopping network and buy a computer to get on eBay. We are dyed-in-the-wool consumers and we don’t fight to kill.
We fight to keep.
Let the collecting begin.

volsung

writing prompt: modern telling of a fable, fairy/folk tale.

the night i killed fat fucking drago, killed him where he sat, huddled in the dim cavern of a cigar smoke backroom, crouched over his wealth, his hoard, triple columns of red ink and a wall safe full of green presidential portraits; fat neck, fat wrists, fat fingers clotted with soft heavy gold.

the night i killed fat fucking drago, whap whap with a claw hammer, his head egg white in a pool of red numbers and the red ink of his body was all over my fingers as i took the 1st of 3 16 penny nails out of my mouth and placed its point at the intersection of his earlobe and jawline.

the night i killed fat fucking drago i tasted his blood -just a little- when i reached for the 2nd nail and i understood something.

i could hear the language of numbers, a symphonic string section of data poured through me as the world vibrated as if degaussing a monitor.

formulas arranged themselves efforlessly; transparent and imageless as everyday speech. I could see the trails of ones and zeros and decode a bee dance as easily as any slack jawed untermensch takes the punchline out of a friends episode.

Wednesday, February 16, 2005