Wednesday, December 07, 2005


...TV was just the first step.

Returning home from your exciting 21st Century job (Clinical Remedial Philosophy) you enter the airlock of your sub-orbital apartment pod. You remove your disposable Mr.Atmosphere space-suit and place it into the ejecterator. You sink deeply and relaxingly into your transparent Ikea Gel Cube. It transfers a delicate blend of sustaining nutrients and intoxicating intoxicants via your skin pores, cleaning them at the same time.
Mmm. Feels good.
-Q: What's on TV?
-A: You are.
The TiVo XTREME Seeker Cable descends from the ceiling plunging downward swiftly, penetrating the Ikea Gel Cube and your medulla oblongata in one surgically precise maneuver.
Let the Remembering begin.
TiVo XTREME uses non-removable hard-disk storage, and contains sophisticated quantum software to record memories—not only those the user specifically requests, but also other material the user is likely to be interested in. Additionally, memories being watched "live" can be paused or "rewound" to repeat a sequence just watched. Just make sure to wear the TiVo Recording Collar (available colors: classic black, heather gray). Purchase our Linking Cable for an addition 40 DoubleDollars and swap memories with your friends!!!
TiVo XTREME, why live it once?


Blogger Dr Kuha said...

it's a lot like the holodeck, only it doesn't take up nearly as much space. I'm getting one.

2:33 am  
Blogger roman said...

Wait, if I swap memories with my friends, how will I know which ones are really mine?
Should I care?
Naah, just enjoy. Especially if the friend is kinda wacky. A hint.. if it feels like deja vu it's most likely yours.

5:19 pm  
Blogger Quaddle said...

I want one. Plug me the fuck in. It would make a great Christmas gift for friend and relative alike. Where do I get the bio-port? Can it be purchased at my local Wal-Mart?

10:51 am  
Blogger Vman said...

sounds like a great idea.

10:33 pm  
Blogger Fahd Mirza said...

I wonder about these things, as I am in socalled third world.

1:56 am  
Blogger zombi_king said...

north dakota?

8:38 pm  
Blogger Black_Bart said...


11:07 am  
Anonymous THE REAL ERIC said...

Memories should be allowed to be falsifacted and reinstalled overwriting original memories. I want to remember fictional past lives in vivid glory. None of this tabla-rasa KARMA! I mean who the fuck does Ah-Puk the destroyer think he is??? With fictional memories all the messy "Veil of Maya" shit, not to mention that naughty "wheel" nonsense, would be liquidated. Until then Shiva! Soon I too will dance on severed heads, holding hands with Kali, letting her yard stick tounge FRENCH kiss a blessed being. COME ON!

1:53 pm  
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